15:28. Some days feel like Sun. Whilst, some days fade into the ambiguity of a cloudy day or rain. Ambiguity. Lately, it was all I ever felt. The prickly scent of cinnamon and fresh coffee tickled my nose, the hum and whir of coffee machines filling the air. Raindrops pitter-pattered leaving crystal drops on the window that I was staring out of as I tried my best to zone out. I sighed to myself, inadvertently creating fog on the clear glass. Instinctively my hand went up to draw a finger smiley in the dewiness. It smiled back at me for all of six seconds before fading back to its non-existent state. I sighed again, this time dodging the window and avoiding seeing the doodle. Its reflection wasn’t an accurate representation of my mood. Admiring the minimalist aesthetic of this almost-empty café, I felt content for just a moment. I had always wanted to come here and today was the day I could finally be here with him. Everything felt better when we experienced it together. I briefly checked my phone. 15:33. Shifting uncomfortably in my ever-so-aesthetic but ever-so-uncomfortable chair, I avoided eye contact with the café staff who would glance over at me with occasional curiosity. Where is he? It’s been 30 minutes. The waiting was killing me and all I could do was fiddle with my almost complete drink. It was a vanilla latte, the perfect allusion to happiness. However, today the caffeine seemed not to be caffeine-ing. If anything, it was making me antsy. 15:37. I glanced at my phone screen hopeful for it to light up with a notification. Nothing. 15:39. The opening of the door caught my attention. It was his manager. He gave me a small wave before making a beeline to the counter. What’s he doing here? Then he walked in. I know I should be used to it by now, but his visuals really did strike me every time. His shoulders were broad enough to bear the weight of all of my problems. His smile was reliable and reached his eyes with the most adorable wrinkle at their edges. It made me want to make him laugh at every possible moment. His gaze on me was like we were the only two in the room at any given time. Except, this time, instead of their usual tenderness they bore a distinct sadness hooded by his baseball cap. Oh, no. “Hey, baby.” He sat down and grabbed my hand instinctively, nestling our intertwined palms comfortably on the table. I beamed at him, relieved to see him but with a nagging feeling creeping up my neck. The café staff exchanged final whispers behind the counter before losing interest in my previous loneliness. “You waited really long, didn’t you? I’m sorry. Our schedule ended late.” He cooed apologetically. “It’s okay. You’re here now.” I assured him. It wasn’t okay. Not really. Deep down his lack of free time was starting to get to me, but I couldn’t give that away. This was part of the deal and I knew that when I agreed to be with him. 15:48. “Baby, listen,” he started gently as the corners of my mouth started to sink. He noticed and tightened his grip on my hand. I braced myself. His manager caught the corner of my eye, he had just finished up at the counter and was holding two iced americanos; in to-go cups. I knew it. His manager gave me an apologetic shrug before heading back out, probably to wait in the car. Not again. “Hey… Look at me," he urged. The look on his face made my eyes start to sting. I felt unreasonable. I knew when I agreed to go out with him that his unpredictable schedule was part of the deal, but six months in, it was starting to quite frankly suck. Like… A lot. “I’m guessing you have a last-minute schedule to get to?” I asked trying to mask the bitterness in my voice. I don’t think I did a great job. “I’m sor-“ “Please don’t say you’re sorry. It’s okay. Really.” I admonished. The look on his face said that he didn’t believe me, but was also conflicted because he didn’t have time to talk this one out. “I understand. Really.” I said again. Maybe if I say it twice, he’ll believe me. 15:54. He cupped my face with one hand in an attempt to comfort me. I leaned into the warmth and closed my eyes for a bit. If we could just stay like this. “Layla.” “Layla…” I felt the heat leave my cheek and move to give me a gentle shake of the arm. 15:55. The moment was short-lived. “Hey, Layla…” I snapped out of my daze. I wanted so badly to be able to enjoy this moment for even just a little while longer. “That’s not what you call me…” I pouted. He cracked that eye smile that I love so much at me. He knew I hated when he used my real name. This relationship is pet names only. I don’t make the rules. “Baby, I need t-“ “I know,” I said softly. We stood up and gathered our belongings. I looked around, giving the café a slightly bitter once over. 15:57. He definitely noticed because he shot me an apologetic smile before placing his thick hand in the small of my back. He’s wearing my favorite cologne. The one I got him for his birthday. I made a mental note to go home and put on the hoodie I got from him with the same scent. I guess it’s Netflix documentaries and ice cream tonight. I begrudgingly trudged out of the café, my fingers brushing the doorframe on the way out. His manager had pulled up the car and was waiting for him to hop in. He turned to look at me, forcing a smile. It didn’t meet his eyes. “I’ll text you after the event, okay? Before practice.” He said reassuringly. I just nodded and mustered up the biggest smile I could. 16:00. I stood on the pavement watching his van pull off. I’m sure he hates this, too. I hope I didn’t make him feel too bad. 16:15. I scanned my bus card, earning a beep of approval to start my journey home. Sitting in a single seat, I reassumed the position which I had taken up in the café earlier leaning against the window. Hoping the familiar Seoul views could take my mind off of things, I zoned out only stopping to occasionally check if I hadn’t missed my stop. 16:20. My phone buzzed from inside my pocket. His manager had sent me a photo of him dressed to the nines and ready to stand in for the MC at a fancy event. He looks good. I hope everything goes well. Sending a like reaction to his manager, I went over to his chat and sent him a bunch of heart emojis. Hmm, maybe I sent one too many? But who’s counting? 19:17. A homecooked basil pesto pasta and a mini-tub of ice cream later, I happily snuggled up on the couch engrossed in a documentary. My phone buzzed again. This time it was a text message from him. Cute. He always tried really hard to make time to message me even on his busiest days. I have to give him credit for that. Even though we struggle to see each other, he always makes time for me. 22:15. I was starting to doze off and contemplating going to bed but couldn’t seem to lift my body off the couch. Just as sleep was starting to take over, my phone buzzed again. He must be working on his EP after practice. Sure enough, I reached into the hoodie pocket and found a USB. Wow, I would’ve thrown this into the laundry and ruined his new album. Shaking my head to myself, I grabbed my bag before heading out. 22:43. I arrived at his agency, suddenly intimidated by the futuristic building and feeling self-conscious in my sweatpants. The building next to it had a massive digital clock that displayed the time for everyone in this busy district to see. It made his agency look kind of mysterious at nighttime because it reflected the time like a Batman signal on the wall. Making haste, I headed to the entrance using the pass he had snuck from his manager to gain access. I immediately made a beeline to the rooftop. That’s where we always met if I needed to see him while he was at work. The agency rooftop usually had lights on throughout the night as it was decked out with a mini garden for the artists to hang out in during breaks, however, when I arrived it was in total darkness. 22:45. “Uhm… Hello?” I called out into the darkness. I was frozen in place. We’ve all seen this movie before. This is it how it starts. I was about to turn around and head back because I’m not about becoming the protagonist in the latest horror movie with a bad score on Rotten Tomatoes. However, a flicker of lights stopped me before I could retreat. Fairy lights lit up the rooftop, creating little stars as if it was another tiny galaxy. There he was. Standing next to the cutest picnic set up I had ever seen. I inched closer in awe of this little wonderland. He had put down a blanket and some cushions, covered the place in paper cutouts of flowers, and decked it out with some of our favorite convenience store snacks. Beaming with pride, he extended his arm out offering me a bouquet of… Chocolate bars? “Chocolate bars?” I smirked. “Because even the chocolate factory isn’t as sweet as you!” He joked. “Oh my word, stop it,” I shoved him lightly. He laughed, jokingly staggering more steps backward than he needed to. “Do you like it?” He asked, brightly. I looked him in the eye wondering what I did to deserve him. My cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling. “I love it!” I assured him. He walked me through the decorations. Apparently he had asked his members to draw a bunch of flowers and cut them out for him during their dance practice break because he didn’t have time to stop at a florist and get real petals for this surprise picnic today. One member pointed out that it would’ve been nice to give me a bouquet of flowers, then another came up with the chocolate bouquet idea. They all then rummaged the convenience store for picnic food and here we are. “That is so sweet of you all,” I couldn’t believe that they took the time to do this for me. He gently grabbed my bouquet, putting it down on the blanket. Reaching for both of my hands, he inched closer to me. 23:00. “Look, I know that I haven’t spent a lot of time with you lately. You always tell me not to say sorry, but I can’t help it. I really am. I wish we could spend more time together and it hurts me to see you put on a brave face and be understanding when I know it makes you sad,” he scanned my eyes as if searching for something. I couldn’t find the words to respond. “Thank you for always waiting for me. I know it’s hard, even if you don’t say it. You just don’t know how much I appreciate it. I did this tonight to show you how much you mean to me.” The grip on his hands became tighter, more endearing. “I don’t want you to ever forget that. Okay?” “Okay.” I finally managed to get a word out. “You promise?” He asked, his eyes ever-tender. “I promise.” A smile grew on my face, spreading to his as we took in each other’s gaze. I felt warm inside, like everything was going to be okay. Of course, sometimes I wondered if time would stay on our side. As the clock arms rotated and time passed, would things get easier for us? Were the hands of time ticking against our favor? Before tonight, these questions haunted me on a daily basis. Right here and right now, they all faded away as we stood in the glow of the lights around us. At that moment, it felt like as long as we were together time would stand still.
